i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
as a side note pls kill me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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