i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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