Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
