Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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