im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
