Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize