I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
