Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
