I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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