Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!