My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?