You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
