So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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