The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
