No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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