oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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