I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
