I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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