Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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