I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
