I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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