My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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