Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
