just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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