apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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