Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
