U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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