so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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