i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
