I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
