haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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