just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
