My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.