If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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