I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..