You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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