You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
