I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
May the power of my ass compel you!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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