I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
