I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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