There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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