Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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