I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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