She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
