it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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