I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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