What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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