Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
