I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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