I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
