please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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