I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
