one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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