The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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