you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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