I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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