the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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