thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
