seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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