Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
