i barfeds in our rink
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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