you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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