I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
