Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
