I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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