This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
