I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My pussy is not your playground.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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